Who Is Ramona?

My name is Ramona, and I'm a recovering Avoidant. I kept people at arms' length for most of my life. Sure, I was kind and generous, but I was always on guard. After 20+ years of being kept at bay, my husband felt unloved, which depleted his desire to keep trying to reach over my walls, leaving both of us feeling isolated. On our 25th wedding anniversary, we began deeply exploring those walls between us by reading about the role of attachment styles in marriage. Based on emotion-focused therapy principles, such conversations showcased my avoidance and how it bumped up against his own attachment style.

Turning My Mess into My Message (credit to Robin Roberts of ABC News)

With our new understanding and some amazing tools in our relational tool belt, we began to shift how we interacted, and I began the journey of understanding how I operate. Adjusting my perspective has given me a newfound hope and left me desirous of turning my mess into my message (I once heard Robin Roberts of ABC news give her mom credit for the phrase). I suspect that many other Avoidants are also hiding behind as-yet invisible walls that need to be torn down. My hope in sharing my story is twofold: 1) that hearing the message of my story will encourage other Avoidants to start their own journey and 2) that those who discover they love an Avoidant will gain a stronger understanding of why we do what we do. We have much to offer and we are worth the extra attention!